I tend to run faster than I have strength, or not run at all.
Not literally. I hate running. I am pretty sure that long, long ago, some sadistic person told everyone in his kingdom over and over again that running was the best thing in the world, and after repeating the lie enough times, people began to believe it. Sort of an, "Emperor's New Clothes" deal. Or the whole obsession with Justin Bieber. Or the inexplicable resurgence in high-waisted, acid wash jeans. Hey, DJ Tanner called and is pleading for you to never, ever consider buying those again, no matter how many pairs of Keds you want to pair them with.
Why, world? Why?
Oh, DJ, I love you, but not your acid wash jeans
I have a feeling I am one following this fool far too often...
Running. Shudder.
So not literal running. Just the way we have to run through life. I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I'll thank my husband for that.
Last week, husband came home from work, and announced, "I'm going to run for three hours on Saturday." After I picked my jaw up from the floor, I tried to force my mind to construct a coherent response. You see, my husband is a person who can run a sub-8 minute mile with no training. He just gets up, runs and keeps running until he is tired. I have no doubt that he could probably go out, and through sheer determination, run marathon distance. Of course, I would be visiting him in the hospital after as he recovered from the experience, but he could probably make that distance.
Our conversation went down the road of, "people who run marathon distance train for that. They eat well. They don't guzzle Mountain Dew by the gallon. You could make that distance, but the price you would pay for being physically unprepared wouldn't be worth it." Cute husband definitely was not happy that I was such a buzzkill. I definitely was. I felt like I squashed his joy, hopes and dreams, but avoiding an ambulance transport and ER bill was definitely worth it to me. He relented, has been eating wonderfully to properly fuel his body, and this weekend, went out to run 11 sub-8 minute miles, no sweat.
I can learn some lessons from him.
I'm an all or nothing person. I am 100% committed, or I am just not present. I am out, hiking the mountains and being a total dominating beast, or I am at home, glued to the couch, more episodes of The West Wing in my "recently viewed" section of Netflix than should ever be viewed by any person that is not bedridden. I am either committed to the point of being obsessive in my work or church commitments, or I am completely checked out. The Justin Biebers and DJ Tanners and naked emperors follow me around and yell to me, "run faster, try to catch us as we flitter around with our ribbon dancers and Skip-its! We're so cool and so is all of our stuff!" And I either run desperately to catch them, or just sit down on the sidewalk and draw pictures in the dirt.
It's time to reexamine the balance of priorities in my life. Where am I running faster than I have strength, and where am I not running at all? I have a feeling this is a challenge many people are facing.
I think sometimes, I am doing the two simultaneously. I throw myself headlong into a commitment, becoming obsessively busy for the sake of appearing busy, while I am in fact moving nowhere and accomplishing very little that matters. I know that challenges with fertility have exacerbated this to an extreme for me. I think, "If I just throw myself into something and dedicate to it 100%, I will automatically be successful at everything! I'll be blessed for my industriousness and hard work. If I just do everything perfectly, I will be perfect." And all of a sudden, I am working very hard, but doing very little of value.
I would be better served by following the admonition to not run faster than I have strength, but to simply run. To set realistic goals and accomplish them. Not to run a marathon three days from now (sorry, BJ), but to run further than I did yesterday. And to always, always run with meaning and heart.
I am going to follow the example of my husband (post-reality check provided by his loving wife)-I will fill my life with the things that will fuel my body, mind and soul properly. I will go out and try my best, pushing myself healthily, but not to an extreme. I will balance my commitments and time to make them meaningful purposeful and beneficial.
It is an experiment in self, but one that I know will yield wonderful results in all areas of my life, and one free from the Justin Biebers, DJ Tanners in acid wash jeans and Keds, and naked emperors that have previously taunted me from the sidelines as I run.
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